Tag Archives: Weaning

How I know Josephine’s ready to wean…

Me: “Hi Josephine, did you have a nice nap?”
J: “Yes, I slept very long.”
Me: “Did you have sweet dreams?”
J: “Yes”
Me: “What’d you dream about?”
J: “I dream bout you.”
Me: “What happened in your dream?”
J: “I dream there’s a giant pile of nipples right there” (points to bedroom floor), “and then they disappear.”

Oh lord.
Time to check another 30 while 30 goal off the list.

Morning Milk

Ready to hear about weaning again? No?, Well, too bad because I’ve been sick and stuck at home and that’s all I’ve got going on (other than the fact that Christmas is officially put away if you don’t count Josephine’s best friend, her two foot tall Frosty the snowman doll). So here goes. Feel free to tune out. Today was the first day since Josephine was born that I have been home when she woke up and didn’t nurse her in the morning. Wow.
This morning she woke up at 6:30 in the dag-gum morning (unusual for her, she’s usually a 7:30 to 8:30 am riser, bless her sleepy little heart). Not only was she was awake, but she was hollering, “Mama! Get up! I want milk!”. Yeah, not going to fly.
I told her she couldn’t have any milk until after the sun comes up, because it was still night time. She was ok and had some water and fruit. It’s now 9:45 and she has yet to ask. We’re far enough along that I can put it off until nap time. I do believe we are making progress. Now to stick to the no milk mornings, and we’re on our way!
Now, if I can only find a gentle way to wean her from her Frosty doll. I keep telling her Santa Is coming to take him to the North Pole. She is processing it, but this morning told me she plans to hide Frosty from Santa so he can stay at our house. I am afraid I am setting her up for some sort of holiday PTSD. She’s going to subconsciously hate Santa for taking her friend away. Oh, the horror!
Suggestions from experienced parents (or resourceful non parents)? Please?!

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So this is Christmas

What a strange couple of weeks I’ve had. Things are crazy busy, what with Christmas insanity, work, regular life stuff, and to top it all off, I have been experiencing what I’m pretty sure is weaning induced mental illness. Geeze! I wasn’t prepared for the intense mood swings, lack of patience, crying stints, and all around craziness that comes with the end of breastfeeding. Wow. I’m down to one nursing a day on the days I work, and even then last night Josephine told me that one of my breasts was “not working”.
Add in Christmas time, where I swing between not wanting to do anything for anyone and wanting to buy everyone I know something special. From utter annoyance at everything to complete joy because I really do love this time of year. Totally bipolar. And there’s never enough money, and I run out of time to bake, and, and, and….
Right now my morning trips to the gym are saving me (and the poor souls who have to live with me) from going off the deep end. I walk out of the gym with a grin on my face at 7:40 each morning. It feels good to move. Hip hip hooray!
But it is Christmas. And I need to switch it up, slow down and really enjoy the next week.
Because the incessant frosty the snowman watching, off key Christmas song singing, unbridled joy of this time of year with Josephine will only last so long. I need to embrace it and enjoy it.
I’m pretty sure that my 13 day vacation from work that starts tomorrow where I get to stay home and be productive (read, lazy and relaxed) and the fact that I am FINISHED! Christmas shopping will help with all that enjoyment of the season 🙂

This little Frosty loving girl helps too.

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Breakfast with Frosty.

When to wean…

Josephine and I came home I noticed the people we rent our side pasture to (the owners of Mia and her son Graham, the pretty horses) leading Graham down the street away from our house. Mia was crying out loudly, so upset that she was taking her baby horse away from her. I remember our renter telling us she’d be doing this soon. She told us she’d be putting Graham in another pasture so that she could wean him. He’s still breastfeeding and she needs to break the bond so that she’ll be able to leave the pasture without Mia freaking the eff out.

Got me thinking…

Josephine is still breastfeeding… at close to two (in just a couple of weeks!!!) she is still going strong. She started to self wean a while back, but that process is going ever so slowly. Some days she’s content to have milk when she wakes up, before nap and before bed. Other days she wants to breastfeed more than that. I don’t offer, I say no at other times when it is inconvenient, and I have such mixed feelings about how to proceed. Breastfeeding was so important for me, something I mentally prepared for and was committed to staying with, but I didn’t think about the end. About how I would feel or when would be the right time to stop. For me. For Josephine.

We are starting to get those looks, those comments, when people find out that she is still breastfeeding. It can get really uncomfortable. I fall secretly in love with each person who tells me, “good for you guys!” when they hear the news, if only because I don’t have to defend myself or stumble around about an explanation. I, myself, have mixed feelings about extended breastfeeding for myself, so it is really hard to muster up the courage to defend myself (because, seriously, I don’t walk up to other people and say, “Jesus! You’re already giving your kid soda?! At two?! Wow, I think it’s time you stop that.” I keep those thoughts to myself).

Part of me feels sad when I think of Josephine weaning. Just like Mia and Graham, I feel like it will break a bond. Although I am able to leave Josephine without freaking the eff out, I know I will miss that closeness that only we can share when I return. I love to hear her little sighs, and feel her little hand on my chest, rubbing my neck, pinching my face, feel her warm cuddly body across my lap. Not having that anymore brings me so much sadness. The same sadness I feel when I look at pictures of her birth, her first month, her first year. It’s all going by so fast. I am not getting any of this time back.

I also am so ready in other ways. To say goodbye to the pump that I must wake up to every weekday morning. The leasing of my body to Josephine, who has owned some part of my anatomy for over two and a half years. The burn when it’s 6 pm on one of those days when Josephine hasn’t nursed since 8 am. The nasty comments I have received. The confusion when she hurts herself and asks for milk to calm down. Do I just do it, or am I done with comfort nursing? It’s all so confusing when the key to weaning is consistency, but I’m still waffling over the decision.

I want to wean, but get a sick feeling in my stomach when I think about the end of my breastfeeding relationship with my child. I suppose that means that I’m not quite ready yet, but I know that the end is coming soon. I feel it approaching quickly. In the end I’ll have the memories, the feelings of closeness, and I know in reality, I’ll still have that bond that won’t be broken. Wish me luck…

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Josephine and me on the day she was born.