Category Archives: thankfulnesses

Fall of Feelings

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Today we had our last day of irrigation for the year. It’s officially the end of summer.

I know fall technically started last month, but it has been savagely hot over here for the past few weeks, and just yesterday did a hint of cool weather appear.

This time of year, while always difficult for me in some ways, is also my favorite. The crisp air, leaves turning and holidays just around the corner spur happiness in my soul.

It’s also a time I tend to reflect on the year. Maybe because we are on the down slope of the year, maybe because my birthday comes around every November, but fall is my check-in point.

The past year has brought us so much joy, growth and wonder, but it has also been wrought with intense craziness for me.

For no apparent reason I have fought depression and anxiety, insomnia and low energy. Particularly in the past few months I have trended toward raging with anger, pain or frustration. I’m sure it’s been evident outwardly, but a lot of that crazy making behavior has (thankfully for me, maybe not so thankfully for my family) happened behind closed doors. My fuse has been short. I have not been the best version of myself. I have been tired. I have given in to negative thought patterns.

This isn’t to say that the year has been shot. I know I am so very lucky for all I have and get to do. By all means, I have had a landslide of amazing, hilarious joy filled moments. A ton, in fact. Just looking back over all the things we have done and fun we have had makes me feel guilty and self indulgent for even complaining. But even within those seriously wonderful moments I have had an angst. A negative cloud. A damper. For some reason I haven’t had that fully joyful feeling.

But the tides, they are a changin’…

Last weekend we hosted Taylor’s band’s Kitchen Party for Kickstarter backers who donated at the Kitchen Party level. We (with help from other Good Luck Thrift Store Outfit band peeps, most notable Aaron and his seriously wonderful girlfriend Aubrey) worked hard to get everything ready. It was exhausting. However, it was fun. Like, a lot of fun. Working together on our place, meeting new people, music in the yard, sharing our lovely home with friends, all of it.

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The best part, though, was the next day. I was driving to work and I realized that I was really happy. Unabashedly, from the core of my heart, not a care in the world happy. The kind of happy that I was missing all year throughout dozens of happy moments. It was simply beautiful.

And today, as summer really, truly waves goodbye and we drown our little ranch for the last time this year, I realized. The summer was my winter and the fall will be my spring. I feel the flowers stirring in my soul. My happiness shall prevail. Let the positivity commence!

…Or maybe it’s just a mood swing.

Either way, I welcome the Fall sun with my own personal kitchen party.
Oooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

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And maybe a little early fall irrigation puddle splashing 🙂

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Magnificent Man, Fantastic Father!

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Just hours after Josephine’s birth

I want to take time today to share my appreciation for Josephine’s dad, Taylor Webster. I wasn’t sure how Taylor would deal with having a baby. I knew he’d work it out, but waking up early? Being on someone else’s schedule? Things not always going as planned? Not something I thought would come easy for him. I had only seen him hold two babies ever. I just wasn’t sure. I was, however, completely blown away.
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From the beginning it was like he had always been a father. He could calm Josephine down in ways I just couldn’t. That’s still true today (he takes all night wake ups now, because he can just talk Josephine through whatever she’s going through). He has a way of talking to our daughter and teaching her so that she picks things up really quickly. Their minds work in the same way, so he knows just how to teach her the way she needs to be taught. I mean, just look at this pair:

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Taylor has taught me a lot about being a parent. His support and consistency has made all the difference. There were times that he had ideas that I was reluctant to try, but in time I realized that they were amazing and made things so much better for our family. He’s always thinking! I found this quotation a while back that really spoke to me and rang true for how I feel about Taylor as a developing father:
“When a man is truly ‘present’ for the birth of his child and allows himself to be touched by the mystery unfolding before his eyes, he will have an unquestionable experience that can catapult him into the next phase of his development as a mature human being. His encounter with the power of birth…can connect him to his partner and his child in ways that sustain him for the rest of his life.” –John Franklin
Just read our birth story and you can get a glimpse into what I am trying (clumsily) to say.

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I know how much Josephine loves her Daddy, and it brings me so much joy to watch them together, learning, laughing, and having a grand old time! Just listening to them joke around from the other room is enough to make me cry with happiness. And watching them devise funny little plans, like hiding from me when I come home from work? Forget about it. Watching their bond as father and daughter has been a thing of beauty. As Josephine would say, he’s her best.

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Happy Father’s Day Taylor! What a dad you are! Thank you for everything you do for our family. We love you so much.

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And because I can’t help myself, this picture:

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😉

Dinner Conversation

Tonight when we sat down to dinner, Josephine looked at me and said, “So Mama, how’s your day at work?”. I am a proud mama! She is so kind and thoughtful tonight. Yesterday, however, when we were talking about some cousins she recently visited she told me she wanted to “kick ’em and sock ’em and poop on ’ems faces.” At least dinner time isn’t boring.
On a completely different note, have you ever tried goat wrangling? It’s an excellent form of exercise. I highly recommend it. I think I’m going to start letting the goats out into the yard every evening and then chasing them around as an extra way to get moving. Do you think people would pay to take my goat wrangling class? It could be the new Zumba. I’m going to be rich!

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Home again, home again

Well, we made it home. Josephine was so ready to be home that she pleaded with me not to stop on the four and a half hour drive home. When I told her that Mama needs to pee, she said, “No! You wait stop to pee at home!!”. Um, ok, sure.

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We returned home just in time for Taylor and me to celebrate our 45th anniversary (or ninth, whatevs). After some quality family time we took Josephine to spend a couple of hours at her Grammy’s house so we could go to dinner and stare lovingly into each others eyes and talk about when we first fell in love so many years ago. (Actually, we had some drinks and laughed about how dorky we both are, same difference right?).

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In (un)related dork news, I bought Taylor the Lord of the Rings Trilogy extended edition nerd pack for our anniversary. He was losing nerd street cred by not owning it, and for goodness sake, his nerd reputation was on the line. The big gift, however, is that I’m actually going to watch all three movies with him. I have been refusing to do this for a while, since the first movie frightened me so badly that I had to leave the theater to calm down, and my neck hurt for three days from the anxiety. But here it is, 9 years later and I’m finally giving in. Now that’s love, folks. In all it’s compromising glory.
So, happy anniversary Taylor. I love you and our life we’ve made. Here’s to another 67 years!

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Happy Valentine’s Day!

We’re not big, sappy, buy present type of Valentine’s Day peeps over here, but what I do like to do is make dinner at home, eat with my family, and tell each of them why I love them. Like Taylor says, I love them the same every day, but it’s just nice to give specific reasons to the ones we love as to why we, you know, love them and stuff.
After a nice round of “I love you because”, Taylor asked Josephine why she loves me. Her response, “Because I want some ice cream.” So, Happy Valentine’s Day from The Webstersons!

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Now, go eat some ice cream.

Clothes Call

Well, it happened. Today I went to the gym and forgot my bra at home. Since this is a big giant fear of mine, I was prepared. I have an old backup bra always in my bag just in case. Everything else I can do without until I get to a store to buy it: socks? cool. Underwear? a little uncomfortable, but I can go without. Bra? necessity.
And so here is to the genius of me, for having the backup bra ready to go. Crisis averted! Now, if I can just remember to put it back in my bag tonight…

Pancake it up!

It’s the last day of my vacation. My house is dirty and I didn’t do any of the projects I wanted to. But, dammit, we made pancakes! All is not lost :)Happy Monday!

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