Welcome back, Pansy

Well, how long has it been… 6, maybe 7 months since my last post. ‘Bout time to start it up again. Wanna guess why? Oh, I’ll just tell you, ok? It’s a mixture of things (one being a mighty nice push from a mighty nice friend named Grace. Here’s to you, Grace!), but mostly it’s because yesterday I spent four hours outside doing stuff with the love of my life, Taylor, and I almost died (when I typed that it autocorrected to alarmist, ha!). We were running fencing, mending fences and starting to clear out the chicken coop, and as soon as we started I felt like I was going to pass out. I almost threw up, I got all sweaty and panicky. Gross. I worked, but I also whined and had to go in the house every twenty minutes to cool down and drink water. Wimp style.
Now, I’m figuring it was from the sun (I was running errands in the morning and we didn’t get out until noon thirty), but come ON! It was hot, but breezy. What the heck?
And so I’ve realized that I just am not outside enough this year to have accustomized (ooh, I like making myself up some words) to sun, heat and gorgeous country views. The LAZY part took over and the LIVING… well, not so much.
At one time Taylor said to me, and I quote, “Come on, Emily. And you call yourself a country wife (a # I like to use frequently on my Instagram ). I thought you wanted to go from lazy to living?”
Ugh. Blog thrown right in my sweaty, sunburned face. Serves me right. I can’t only keep this up when I’m hittin’ shit hard (what? I live in Valley Home, indiscriminate use of the word shit comes with the territory). I’ve got to keep it up when I’m not. Because that’s how it works.
And for full disclosure, you should all know: I’m losing the war on thistles. But I did irrigate mostly successfully by myself last week. Counts for something, right?
See you around kind folks! I’m sure you missed my over use of parenthesis and multiple postings on thistles.
Signed, the lazy country wife

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A clean desk

Today I cleaned out my desk drawer at work. It had been way to long and was so gross. I started because I was pulling things out while looking for a thank you card, and it snowballed to the point of no return so I had to finish. And you know what. It’s amazing!

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I know, I know… My life is sooooo thrilling.

Gobble Gobble

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Last year I counted off a whole mess of things I was grateful for . This year, as you can tell by my lack of posting, I’m a little less motivated to put that list together. So I’ll keep it short and sweet. I am thankful. Period.
My life is far from perfect, but I am learning lessons and becoming better every day. I have work and love, however frustrating each of those things can be at times. My house may be messy, but my child is happy. For that, I give thanks.

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Happy Thanksgiving. I hope your day is filled with love and warmth. Thanks to all!

Fall of Feelings

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Today we had our last day of irrigation for the year. It’s officially the end of summer.

I know fall technically started last month, but it has been savagely hot over here for the past few weeks, and just yesterday did a hint of cool weather appear.

This time of year, while always difficult for me in some ways, is also my favorite. The crisp air, leaves turning and holidays just around the corner spur happiness in my soul.

It’s also a time I tend to reflect on the year. Maybe because we are on the down slope of the year, maybe because my birthday comes around every November, but fall is my check-in point.

The past year has brought us so much joy, growth and wonder, but it has also been wrought with intense craziness for me.

For no apparent reason I have fought depression and anxiety, insomnia and low energy. Particularly in the past few months I have trended toward raging with anger, pain or frustration. I’m sure it’s been evident outwardly, but a lot of that crazy making behavior has (thankfully for me, maybe not so thankfully for my family) happened behind closed doors. My fuse has been short. I have not been the best version of myself. I have been tired. I have given in to negative thought patterns.

This isn’t to say that the year has been shot. I know I am so very lucky for all I have and get to do. By all means, I have had a landslide of amazing, hilarious joy filled moments. A ton, in fact. Just looking back over all the things we have done and fun we have had makes me feel guilty and self indulgent for even complaining. But even within those seriously wonderful moments I have had an angst. A negative cloud. A damper. For some reason I haven’t had that fully joyful feeling.

But the tides, they are a changin’…

Last weekend we hosted Taylor’s band’s Kitchen Party for Kickstarter backers who donated at the Kitchen Party level. We (with help from other Good Luck Thrift Store Outfit band peeps, most notable Aaron and his seriously wonderful girlfriend Aubrey) worked hard to get everything ready. It was exhausting. However, it was fun. Like, a lot of fun. Working together on our place, meeting new people, music in the yard, sharing our lovely home with friends, all of it.

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The best part, though, was the next day. I was driving to work and I realized that I was really happy. Unabashedly, from the core of my heart, not a care in the world happy. The kind of happy that I was missing all year throughout dozens of happy moments. It was simply beautiful.

And today, as summer really, truly waves goodbye and we drown our little ranch for the last time this year, I realized. The summer was my winter and the fall will be my spring. I feel the flowers stirring in my soul. My happiness shall prevail. Let the positivity commence!

…Or maybe it’s just a mood swing.

Either way, I welcome the Fall sun with my own personal kitchen party.
Oooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

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And maybe a little early fall irrigation puddle splashing :)

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Have you missed me?…

Have you missed me? No? Well, that’s alright. I’ve missed blogging a lot. On the upside I have been so busy that I haven’t been able to fit time in to write it all down. I suppose I’m moving from lazy to living. And living we have been. I’ve been busily collecting stories and taking pictures, so hopefully soon I will get some time to take them out of my head and put them on the screen.
In the meanwhile, here are two pictures. One of our darn near immaculate yard, and one of our precious baby. Two of the things I’ve been busy living with. Talk to you soon….

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From the mouths of babes: Part 2

Josephine: “I just feel a little sick.”
Me: “what does it feel like?”
Josephine: “it feels like a monster bought me a present.”

Josephine: “Mama, you ruined my imagination!” when I took her plastic horses out of her bed at nap time so she would go to sleep

Josephine: “I sure wish it would rain.”
Me: “Why do you wish it would rain?”
Josephine: “Because I saved too much money.”
-when she puts money in the bank we tell her it’s to “save it for a rainy day”.

Josephine: “Mama, can I have your phone for a little bit?”
Me: “What are you going to look at?”
Josephine: “Just going to look at the news.”

Update! (Via lazy picture post of course)

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Want an update? I’m struggling a bit (a lot) with most everything: work is hard and crazy, my car is mostly broken and I need another one, I am constantly feeling like I am disappointing most of the people I know, my house needs cleaning and I’m broke. There.
Also, my daughter is hilarious, I own a beautiful house and I do have a lot of people who care about me. And my health. I have that too. And I’m not starving, I like my job despite it’s hardness, and I have Taylor around.
So there it is. The conflicts that are my woe is me attitude and the blessings that I have in my life. Blah.
I am currently on a train by myself headed to the wedding of two wonderful beautiful people. I was and still am conflicted over whether or not I should have come on this trip. What with my car problems, dirty house and a child who really just wants me and cried like the dickens as I drove away.
But here I am. Ready to see a slough of high school friends (my two best from high school included). Should I be here? Who knows. Now to shake this gloomy perspective before I get there.

And so as not to leave you with a sour bad mood taste in your mouth, I present to you my life in pictures, since I have no energy to write up the stories. I’m hoping a dredge though my photos will brighten my mood. Here goes…

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Playing with dead lizards

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Jewel face

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Family photo fun

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Taylor cooks with a hammer

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Lady weekend in Lake Tahoe (I know, stop complaining, right?)

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All dressed up to feed the baby

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Flute Queen saves the day!

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Matching stripes with Uncle Spency

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And my heart melted

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Summer rain

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Just a little Grandaddy reunion show

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Miss Lionheart

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Spoiled!

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Overnight getaway in San Francisco with Taylor for another Grandaddy reunion show and fun (yep, I’m a jerk for being so crabby)

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First day of preschool?! What?! (and yes, I cried a little on my drive to work)

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Found a frog!

Ok, so now I feel a little better (if not more guilty for being so ungrateful). So thanks for letting me vent, Internet. I promise I’ll come back in a better mood. Maybe.